Swords And Porn Must Be Shared! It's Only Fair!
by Roxius
Summary: Shinji and Lisa both learn a little something about sharing. Shinji Hirako X Lisa Yadomaru. Please R & R!


Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

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Lisa Yadomaru made not even a sound as she slowly crept up behind her prey. She carefully placed her right hand upon the hilt of her blade, preparing to unsheathe it as soon as the right moment presented itself. She had to be extremely careful with each small step she took to avoid bringing any attention to herself. She drew closer...and closer...and closer, until she could practically smell the faint scent of lemon shampoo in her soon-to-be newest victim's dirty-blonde locks. Finally, without further ado, she jumped to her feet, withdrew her blade, and swung-

"Did you think I couldn't detect that blazing spiritual pressure of yours?" Shinji Hirako casually asked aloud, using only the palm of his left hand to prevent Lisa's blade from slicing his head clean off of his shoulders. He did not look away from the magazine lying open in his lap even once during the entire exchange.

Lisa ignored Shinji's question completely, and instead presented one of her own. "What exactly do you think you are doing?"

"I'm just reading."

"...You're reading one of MY manga books...one of the erotic ones."

"Ah, you're right."

"And that one in particular happens to be my favorite."

"I can understand why."

"I do not recall ever giving you permission to look at it."

Shinji shrugged his bony shoulders. "I don't see a problem with it," he replied, "You lend them out to Love and Rose all the time."

"That's because they asked!" Lisa spat back.

"If you wanna make friends, you shouldn't always keep things from them...it's not nice," yawned Shinji. He flipped to the next page in the book. On the page was an image of a busty young woman undressing herself in front of a crowd of men.

A shadow cast over Lisa's face, a devious plan forming in her mind. "...Is that so?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, then..." Using her free hand, Lisa reached down and snatched away Shinji's sword from its sheathe on his waist, "I don't suppose you mind me using THIS?"

Shinji finally looked away from the pornographic material and let out a hollowed gasp of abject horror. "SAKANADE!!!"

"Hmph...what's wrong? We're supposed to be able to share our stuff, aren't we?" Lisa replied mockingly.

"I never meant anything about our Zanpakuto, though!"

"That's not very FAIR of you, Shinji."

"Give it back...!!"

Shinji lunged for his beloved sword, only for Lisa to jump back to put it just barely out of his reach. Beads of sweat slowly trickled down the blonde's face as he watched Lisa carelessly toss his blade around in her hand. The erotic manga from earlier was now laying open in front of him, his attention no longer even drawn by the slightest to the picture of two women scissoring on a water-bed. It was a pitiful sight to see a former Shinigami Captain in such a sorry state.

"C'mon and get it, Shinji. What's the problem here?" Lisa continued to make a spectacle without a hint of remorse. If anything, she was getting immense joy out of terrorizing her superior like this.

"I can't help it," Shinji gasped, "That you're the fastest one of us!"

"Oh, can you? You gotta try harder is all."

"GRRAH!!"

Shinji made several more attempts to retrieve his Zanpakuto, only to fail at all of them. Even without utilizing the power of her Hollow mask, Lisa was still incredibly quick, and she was capable of reacting to the slightest of Shinji's movements immediately without hesitation. Also, the fact that she had gotten a head-start helped some too. There was no way that Shinji could catch up without the illusion-based powers of his sword. Eventually, he was forced to the point that he suddenly got down onto his hands and knees, and bowed his head in front of the young woman.

"Alright...I'm sorry for looking at your porn without your permission...so may I please have Sakanade back now?"

Lisa pondered over the sincerity of Shinji's apology. "Are you certain? Do you mean it?" she inquired.

Shinji nodded his head.

"Well, then I suppose..."

Before Lisa could even finish her sentence, Sakanade disappeared out of her grip, and she glanced over her shoulder to see the blonde man running off with his blade, snickering in triumph. He had just needed to stop her from moving for only a few seconds; more than enough time to get both his sword and his dignity back. Lisa was stunned for only a moment before she proceeded to chase after him.

"You and your hideous overbite are really starting to tick me off." Lisa snarled under her breath.

Not too far away, Hiyori Sarugaki and Rojoro "Rose" Otoribashi had been observing the entire thing in hopes of easing their boredom. Needless to say, Rose was near hysterics while Hiyori looked slightly more pissed off than usual.

"Just what the hell are those two idiots doing?" Hiyori asked aloud, folding her arms in annoyance.

"Can't you tell?" Rose replied with a warm grin on his lips, "They're just messing around with each other...just like all good lovers do from time to time."

"SAY WHAT NOW?!!!"

"You'll understand it better when you're older."

"I'M OVER 100 YEARS OLD, DAMMIT!!"

"Yes...but your mind is still a 100 years too young..."

"WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES THAT MEAN?!!"

Rose did not reply, and thus he recieved a painful smack across the face with a sandal.


End file.
